I want to be God.
Yes, thats what i said..
I want to be God.
No, thats not what i mean..
I said, "I want to be God."
Right?
Wrong.
I want to be God, not "God" !
--
I don't want to be omnipotent. That would corrupt me.
I don't want to be omniscient, for theres more joy in pursual of knowledge than in the possession of knowledge itself. I want every day, every moment to be a learning experience. I don't want to be complete.. If i was, then i would be God.
I want to be God.
I want to be all-forgiving. Coz the power to forgive Is God.
I want Joy. Joy is God.
I want to find true love. Coz then i would have found God.
Music is God. Coz it uplifts you.
Children are God. Coz they are so pure.
You are God. Coz you have so many things to teach me.
---
"Do you think you are God?"
I don't think so. But i would sure i want to be. I don't understand what's wrong with wanting to be God. God is not all about absolute power (but it may be about absolute uncorrupted power). God is about so much more. God is at peace with himself. He is one with the universe and there is nothing in this world which irks him. He is in a state of nirvana. Why wouldnt you want to be in that state?
I don't think its not possible to be God. He is not something which you cannot be. It is tough yes, (very tough i should say) but not impossible for sure. There is so much we can learn from him. Theres so much he can do. Oh what fun it must to be God!.
You may smirk. But..
I want to be God.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
WH Davies
-- One of my all time fave poems
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
WH Davies
-- One of my all time fave poems
Friday, September 16, 2005
Is Music God ?
I went to a ganesh pooja today. Me being me, i wasnt really interested in the pooja as such. Just wanted a break. But i guess subconsciously i was looking for peace of mind which has been robbed of me in the past few days/weeks.
After the pooja there was a performance by some guys on the flute, tabla et al. I stood there listening, half expecting to get bored to death by the bhajan music. But i guess again my subconscious knew better. I stood there listening to the music, absolutely transfixed. It wasnt like i had never heard the kind of music before... it was just that standing there, something struck me. That music is god. why? u ask. Well music gives u the kind of peace of mind which nothing else can. It uplifts your soul and makes the world rosier for that fleeting instant of time. You just lose yourself in the music and suddenly there is nothing more pure than your soul at that time. And you feel like you have discovered another world... as if God is suddenly close to you, stroking your hair and telling you - "everything will be alright my son. may the strength be yours". Now what more could one want out of life?!. Music gives you joy and being truly joyous is perhaps paying the biggest tribute to God you can. For me thats attaining nirvana.
No wonder i feel so jealous of these music guys! :)
Ta da dee..
After the pooja there was a performance by some guys on the flute, tabla et al. I stood there listening, half expecting to get bored to death by the bhajan music. But i guess again my subconscious knew better. I stood there listening to the music, absolutely transfixed. It wasnt like i had never heard the kind of music before... it was just that standing there, something struck me. That music is god. why? u ask. Well music gives u the kind of peace of mind which nothing else can. It uplifts your soul and makes the world rosier for that fleeting instant of time. You just lose yourself in the music and suddenly there is nothing more pure than your soul at that time. And you feel like you have discovered another world... as if God is suddenly close to you, stroking your hair and telling you - "everything will be alright my son. may the strength be yours". Now what more could one want out of life?!. Music gives you joy and being truly joyous is perhaps paying the biggest tribute to God you can. For me thats attaining nirvana.
No wonder i feel so jealous of these music guys! :)
Ta da dee..
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Vrroomm.....
Driving is perhaps one of the predominant vicarious pleasures a man indulges in.
And it is! (for me atleast).
When i am driving, i forget about the whole world, my worries, my everything. Its like i am the king of the world for that small amount of time, when i have control over everything and anything. Of course it helps that i have a 1.6 Litre superfast fast machine at my disposal which leaves most of the cars on road biting dust :). I guess thats what gives men the thrills with the wheels - the fact that they are in total control of a beast which is as capable of giving you thrills as it is of spreading destruction. You can use the thing like a toy and make it do whatever you wish it to do.
They say that the real character of a man comes out when he is behind the wheels. I have observed myself when i am driving and find that this theory could well have some substance. I tend to overtake and outspeed vehicles when the roads are busy and especially when it seems to be a challenge to do so, but when the roads are empty i prefer travelling at very normal speeds. Also, when i am driving a socially concerned, well mannered person steps in who gives way to people, respects all traffic laws (except the speed limits of course), drives carefully and is a model of a citizen :D. I guess i love Bangalore too much and when everybody is breaking all the laws without any concern for the city or its citizens, then i feel i have some responsibility to see that atleast i don't contribute to its woes.
But night driving is not my thing certainly. Especially when driving back to the house in the night at high speeds, when the street lights are dim and near-absent. Its almost as if i am driving blind. People crossing the roads are nothing but fleeting shadows in those zero-light conditions. Oncoming vehicles are identified only by their high-beamed head lamps and if one of them doesnt have them on, then god bless them! Its a miracle actually that i reach home everyday without any near-shaves or nerve-shattering experiences.
Driving is certainly not a pleasurable experience in the current Bangalore infrastructural conditions but its thrills are way too much to even consider giving it up.
And it is! (for me atleast).
When i am driving, i forget about the whole world, my worries, my everything. Its like i am the king of the world for that small amount of time, when i have control over everything and anything. Of course it helps that i have a 1.6 Litre superfast fast machine at my disposal which leaves most of the cars on road biting dust :). I guess thats what gives men the thrills with the wheels - the fact that they are in total control of a beast which is as capable of giving you thrills as it is of spreading destruction. You can use the thing like a toy and make it do whatever you wish it to do.
They say that the real character of a man comes out when he is behind the wheels. I have observed myself when i am driving and find that this theory could well have some substance. I tend to overtake and outspeed vehicles when the roads are busy and especially when it seems to be a challenge to do so, but when the roads are empty i prefer travelling at very normal speeds. Also, when i am driving a socially concerned, well mannered person steps in who gives way to people, respects all traffic laws (except the speed limits of course), drives carefully and is a model of a citizen :D. I guess i love Bangalore too much and when everybody is breaking all the laws without any concern for the city or its citizens, then i feel i have some responsibility to see that atleast i don't contribute to its woes.
But night driving is not my thing certainly. Especially when driving back to the house in the night at high speeds, when the street lights are dim and near-absent. Its almost as if i am driving blind. People crossing the roads are nothing but fleeting shadows in those zero-light conditions. Oncoming vehicles are identified only by their high-beamed head lamps and if one of them doesnt have them on, then god bless them! Its a miracle actually that i reach home everyday without any near-shaves or nerve-shattering experiences.
Driving is certainly not a pleasurable experience in the current Bangalore infrastructural conditions but its thrills are way too much to even consider giving it up.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
So you are going to Amrika?!
Yes i am going to "AMRIKA" ! and for the umpteenth time, on the 16th of August.
Ever since i got an admit into an "AMRIKAN" university a few months ago, i have been inundated with advice from all round the globe, especially from the whos-"who?!"s - of my family and "friends".
First it was regarding my visa appointment date, where many friends adviced me to not take it on a friday especially in chennai coz it was supposedly an "open day" when most visas got rejected and in chennai there was this feared muslim lady (in a burqa for added effect) who hardly ever issued any visas!
Of course during those times of turmoil and confusion i gobbled up all the advice i got and actually took it seriously. So when the usual twist of fate landed me with an appointment on a friday in chennai, my anxiousness knew no bounds!. As the visa date approached, my anxiousness gave way to indifference-what with all the paperwork, forms and documents!. At the visa counter, i could hardly stop myself from yawning in front of the visa officer! But as fate would have it, i landed with a visa after the easiest and shortest interviews of all times.
I should have been happy.... but......
- "So when are u leaving?" - Yes i know its a perfectly normal question to ask but not when it is asked for the 5th or the 6th time (literally) by the same person!. Its as if the guy has goes into an automaton mode upon seeing me and this is the only seemingly intelligent question he can conjure up! My response to this has of course become similarly automated now and its just "mid august" even though i now know its 16th August.
- "So have you got any scholarship?" - Now how do i respond to this question, tell the truth, be brief and save my face at the same time?! So its just - "I havent yet!" and leave the rest to their imagination.
- "Be verryy careful over there.. Amrikan women just love indian boys coz they spend a lot of money running behind white skin!" - Arre yaar after paying for my fees and the rest, i wont have enough money to even spend on my own brown skin, let alone somebody else's white skin, so i think u can safely stop worrying abt that now.
- "Ah, cho chad, Amrikan women run from indian boys there coz they become very serious after a one-night stand! What will you do ?!" - Come my dear.. have you met my "above" friend? i have a feeling you two have lots to share with each other.
As if all this unsolicited advice was not enough, loads of people have told me how i should go there, make a handsome living and never come back to India. Unfortunately, an equal number or more have told me to not even think abt staying back in the US, but pack my bags at the earliest, upon completion of my education, and come to India.
Now how do you expect a guy to go to the states with an unbiased and open mind amidst all this nonsense of advices? The killjoys take away the very basic joy of discovering things on your own.
But this constant deja vu of a conversation takes the cake:
U: "So which university have u got admission into?"
Me: "University of Michigan - Ann Arbor, uncle."
U: "Michigan.. hmm.. yes yes, thats a verrry reputed university"
[A moment of silence and deep thought]
U: "Uh... is it in Amrika ?"
Me: " !! ..........................."
----------
Everybody seems to be so excited about me going abroad. Why amn't i ?
Ever since i got an admit into an "AMRIKAN" university a few months ago, i have been inundated with advice from all round the globe, especially from the whos-"who?!"s - of my family and "friends".
First it was regarding my visa appointment date, where many friends adviced me to not take it on a friday especially in chennai coz it was supposedly an "open day" when most visas got rejected and in chennai there was this feared muslim lady (in a burqa for added effect) who hardly ever issued any visas!
Of course during those times of turmoil and confusion i gobbled up all the advice i got and actually took it seriously. So when the usual twist of fate landed me with an appointment on a friday in chennai, my anxiousness knew no bounds!. As the visa date approached, my anxiousness gave way to indifference-what with all the paperwork, forms and documents!. At the visa counter, i could hardly stop myself from yawning in front of the visa officer! But as fate would have it, i landed with a visa after the easiest and shortest interviews of all times.
I should have been happy.... but......
- "So when are u leaving?" - Yes i know its a perfectly normal question to ask but not when it is asked for the 5th or the 6th time (literally) by the same person!. Its as if the guy has goes into an automaton mode upon seeing me and this is the only seemingly intelligent question he can conjure up! My response to this has of course become similarly automated now and its just "mid august" even though i now know its 16th August.
- "So have you got any scholarship?" - Now how do i respond to this question, tell the truth, be brief and save my face at the same time?! So its just - "I havent yet!" and leave the rest to their imagination.
- "Be verryy careful over there.. Amrikan women just love indian boys coz they spend a lot of money running behind white skin!" - Arre yaar after paying for my fees and the rest, i wont have enough money to even spend on my own brown skin, let alone somebody else's white skin, so i think u can safely stop worrying abt that now.
- "Ah, cho chad, Amrikan women run from indian boys there coz they become very serious after a one-night stand! What will you do ?!" - Come my dear.. have you met my "above" friend? i have a feeling you two have lots to share with each other.
As if all this unsolicited advice was not enough, loads of people have told me how i should go there, make a handsome living and never come back to India. Unfortunately, an equal number or more have told me to not even think abt staying back in the US, but pack my bags at the earliest, upon completion of my education, and come to India.
Now how do you expect a guy to go to the states with an unbiased and open mind amidst all this nonsense of advices? The killjoys take away the very basic joy of discovering things on your own.
But this constant deja vu of a conversation takes the cake:
U: "So which university have u got admission into?"
Me: "University of Michigan - Ann Arbor, uncle."
U: "Michigan.. hmm.. yes yes, thats a verrry reputed university"
[A moment of silence and deep thought]
U: "Uh... is it in Amrika ?"
Me: " !! ..........................."
----------
Everybody seems to be so excited about me going abroad. Why amn't i ?
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Pining for Bangalore
Yes i stay in Bangalore and No i dont stay in Bangalore anymore. There are 2 ways of looking at this-factual and emotional.
Factual - I now stay in a place called Sahakaranagar which is at the border of Bangalore! In fact theres a sign on the road 3 km from my house towards city which says "Bangalore City Limits!". It takes me an hour to get to anywhere in the central city and once i am out, i prefer to come back only in the night... rather-just one trip a day to the city. When i leave home its invariably - "I am going to Bangalore!". Life is at a standstill right now especially after staying in a place for 8 years from where Brigade Road was a stone's throw away!My friends are all in that area and its a pain now to travel all the way and meet them, (even though i have a car) given the Bangalore traffic. So basically it no longer feels like i am living in Bangalore.
Emotional - Bangalore is no longer what it used to be! It used to be such a lovely place with lovely weather, lovely people et al. But it has changed drastically over the past 2-3 years. I put the blame squarely on the software companies which continue to pour thousands of people (literally) into Bangalore every single year! Yes i know u must be saying - This guy doesnt care abt developement and growth. Of course i do, but not at the cost of the ruin it is causing to Bangalore!. I mean its just not the traffic which has gotten worse but everything. People have lost their manners. People coming in here from all over India refuse to imbibe the true Bangalore culture but only attempt to inculcate the pseudo-western attitudes that Bangalore is famous for....and man do they fail miserably!. Bad roads, loads of people, loads of vehicles, zero road sense, government apathy.. all these combined have made Bangalore a place where people like me no longer want to live in! I would rather move and settle down in some remote place with some peace and quiet. Not for me the Bangalore of today and the Bangalore of the yore can neve come back. So...basically it no longer feels like i am living in Bangalore...........
Sigh!
Factual - I now stay in a place called Sahakaranagar which is at the border of Bangalore! In fact theres a sign on the road 3 km from my house towards city which says "Bangalore City Limits!". It takes me an hour to get to anywhere in the central city and once i am out, i prefer to come back only in the night... rather-just one trip a day to the city. When i leave home its invariably - "I am going to Bangalore!". Life is at a standstill right now especially after staying in a place for 8 years from where Brigade Road was a stone's throw away!My friends are all in that area and its a pain now to travel all the way and meet them, (even though i have a car) given the Bangalore traffic. So basically it no longer feels like i am living in Bangalore.
Emotional - Bangalore is no longer what it used to be! It used to be such a lovely place with lovely weather, lovely people et al. But it has changed drastically over the past 2-3 years. I put the blame squarely on the software companies which continue to pour thousands of people (literally) into Bangalore every single year! Yes i know u must be saying - This guy doesnt care abt developement and growth. Of course i do, but not at the cost of the ruin it is causing to Bangalore!. I mean its just not the traffic which has gotten worse but everything. People have lost their manners. People coming in here from all over India refuse to imbibe the true Bangalore culture but only attempt to inculcate the pseudo-western attitudes that Bangalore is famous for....and man do they fail miserably!. Bad roads, loads of people, loads of vehicles, zero road sense, government apathy.. all these combined have made Bangalore a place where people like me no longer want to live in! I would rather move and settle down in some remote place with some peace and quiet. Not for me the Bangalore of today and the Bangalore of the yore can neve come back. So...basically it no longer feels like i am living in Bangalore...........
Sigh!
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